I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
