I think my vagina is haunted
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
