I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
