Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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