Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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