I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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