I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize