Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
