now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
