If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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