Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize