sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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