i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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