She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
