Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
