sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
