Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
