its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
