Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
