We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
