They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
