i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
