GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
