can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
