do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
