You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize