You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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