dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
