I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
