just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
