Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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