Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
