even my farts smell like vagina
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize