I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
