We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
