hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
be right there i have to get my cape
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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