Swine flu. Run for my life!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
