even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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