worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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