I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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