she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
