are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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