I accidentally burped into my bong.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize