if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize