non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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