When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
