He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
