discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
third nipple confirmed
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize