i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
high people should be assigned attendants
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
