the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Be still, my beating vagina.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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