you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
