so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
