Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
