i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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