smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
