think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
