i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
