I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
