Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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