If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
