Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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