I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize