Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
