you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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