I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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