She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
