I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
