We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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