Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize