lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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