Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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