goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
