i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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