i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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